Wednesday, 1 April 2009

fabulous come back

of the distinguished award winning author Joseph Strabraindead.

One of the world's most famous novelists, author of Completely everything there is to know about everything exclusively completely in this book, pleasantly surprised journalists and people alike yesterday when he announced that the second book of the cycle was coming out.

Thursday, 26 February 2009

fake rumors, again

we must admit our failure in making the core deambobinator express intelligent thoughts where there are not any. sorry kids!

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

tooth drama

previously on little girls and robots: one, two, three, four, five

Little girl:
God, my tooth fell off.

So young, and already decaying?

Little girl: Oh no, it's normal. anthropologically speaking...


Little girl:
And then there's the Tooth Fairy. She picks up your fallen teeth from under your pillow, and gives you treasure or candy or something like that.

And you honestly believe that kind of sh**?

Little girl:
Oh, no. But I can't let my mom know. S
he'd be devastated.


have been going about that the core deambobinator has fluffy bunny ears. we firmly deny any rumor of that sort, as any leak of information might change the face of the earth as we know it.
just imagine it into the wrong hands...people might actually be true to each other. and where would we be then?

Friday, 20 February 2009 know what i mean

previously on little girls and robots: one, two, three, four

Robot: woah!, I just had a shortcircuit...

Little girl: But you don't have any hair!

Robot: Err... a shortcircuit.

Little girl: Is that like a shortcut?

Robot: Not really.

Little girl: Are there longcircuits?

Robot: No, just short.

Little girl: Is it like an orgasm then?

Thursday, 19 February 2009

the true story

which goes on in a conversation is rather different than the one we normally observe.
In order to prove this point, we have installed a core deambobinator (see illustration below) under a restaurant table. Let's get closer so you can see what we mean.
Please take note of the deambobinator's recorded speech translated in brackets. (these are brackets: [ and ])

Lady: I'm so glad you were able to join me [I never thought you would accept, I'm sooo happy yay] for dinner.

Man: Oh, nonsense. It's just that lately [what do I say what do I say] things [good, that's good, what now omg] have been hecktic [vague enough, good job!] around here [great!].

Lady: oh, tell me about it! [I've been so busy thinking of you I have sooo much left over work bah who gives a damn when we're finally going to have]

Man: This beef is incredibly well done [just about as tough like a brick wall, great, small talk, that will make the time fly]

Lady: Oh, yes! and the stew is marvelous too [kids, i want twins, definately, good genes here, not to miss]. Go on, try some! [yeeees eat out of my fork yeees]

Man: Oh, I'm full, honestly. [I'm not putting that thing in my mouth no waay] Did I tell you about my job? I'm an accountant. [and yeees, I am going to bore you to death about all the little intricate details]

Lady: How exciting! [well, at least he's good with money. kids need money. I need fur coat] Do tell! [just no maths, pleeease]

Man: Well, our business firm's figures are looking great. [you just don't have any idea what i'm talking about, do you?]I have just done a tri-bi-annual report and the stocks are rising [god, should have said they weren't] dramatically [change change it] but the Pi is very low [good enough].

Lady: Ah, the Pi, everyone likes them high! I'm sorry to hear that.[that means no overtime at work, so more kids!, the lawn, a perfect green gra]

Man: This is life, can't have it all. [and god, is that salad between your teeth?]

Lady: oh, no, of course. [Have me! I want your babies!]

Man: And then there's the parallel Q coefficients. [aww, why Q? she's going to tell, omg]

Lady: Aha, interesting. [love me, now! loooove!]

Man: The important thing is that they stay parallel. [I have no idea what to say now, I'm all out]

Lady: Aha![Looooooooove]

There, now you get the point. wasn't it a really swell thing to discover? [bah, screw you, I don't really care, I'm just doing this to get paid]
Oh, sorry. [how do you turn this #&^&^ thing off?!?!#@$$%]
Small malfunction it seems, I'll get right back to you! [yeah right, and may the dingo eat your babies]

daily dilemmas

previously on little girls and robots: one, two, three

Little girl singing: Ive got to take it on the othersideeeeee.....Take it on the othersideeeeee

Robot: You shouldn't sing those kind of things...

Little girl: why not?

Robot: It's not for little girls.

Little girl: Why not? It's not PG rated or anything.

Robot: But you do know what it is about, right?

Little girl: Yeah, it's this guy who wants to see the grass on the other side, because there's a stupid saying according to which it would be greener, and so better in every aspect.

Robot: Uh, no. You'll see when you're older.

Little girl: Ah, don't give me that "older" stuff. Tell me now!

Robot: I'll just say this: men saying they want to take it on the other side is the reason why most ladies end up alone.

Monday, 2 February 2009

ladies, men

Lady: A penny for your thoughts!

Man: I'm sorry, I only take cheques.

the little girl and the robot

previously on little girls and robots: one, two

Little girl
: So, what else do you have in that invent
ory? Do you have a pet?

Robot: What's a pet?

Little girl: It's a small animal you keep locked up lying to yourself that it's in its best interest, feeding him crap and forgetting to clean up the crap it p
roduces, meanwhile torturing it and interpreting its squeaks as happy songs.

Robot: Well, there was this rat once...

Little girl: Really? was it cute? everything is cute when it's still alive!

Robot: Would you like to know the story?

Little girl: ya.

Robot: There was this little rat, cute, I guess. I put it in a box.

Little girl: Sooo? did it make little babies? Did it sleep in your lap? Did it -cuuuuute- eat electrical cables?

Robot: I don't know, it never came back out...

Sunday, 1 February 2009

Cucumbers (sept 2003)

She was crawling slowly on the wall, very bored.

Her thought of leaving remained somewhere down on the floor, next to a murdered hope. There were no cucumbers left, and this caused her a dreadful pain, underneath her fingernails and in her joints. She looked carefully through the wall, to check if there were no cucumbers in reach of her foot. But there were only some flowers that pretended to sleep and an old lady with a big nose, tilted to the right.
She crawled a bit more until she reached the lamp, unscrewed the light bulb to see where she had forgotten her thought. She saw a piece of thought on the floor, something related to calling her mother, sitting behind a box in which cleaning was and, next to it, the thought to leave. She tried to catch him with the help of the thought to go down, but he was small and slippery, because of the saliva. She jumped a bit, trying to budge him from the crack in which he had hidden, because it was a hidden thought.
She picked up a cigarette from the ashtray and lit it. She slowly blew the smoke so she wouldn't make it weary. The smoke, expanding in circles, stuck to the window; it was probably look
ing for heat to regenerate and make little offspring. It also tried to get back in the cigarette, but there was so little room and it smelled like tobacco. "My ass" said the smoke. And it started to strangle the girl, very slowly; it banged her head on the walls a bit, and the little thought got frightened at the idea that he could loose its home. He quickly made up a sword and a shield and got ready for battle. He was proud because he was fighting for an idea, and not for the sake of the corpses.
"Hey you, smokey! I'm gonna cut you in ways you can't imagine, bless your little circles..."
And he looked at it from above like he was looking through it. The smoke let go of the girl who continued with the choking out of inertia.
And they fought for a day, and they fought for two days, and th
ey fought for ninety-nine days. The little thought came up with something else and finally managed to place the smoke in the cleaning box.
“I knew I fought dirty", he laughed to himself.
He paused, satisfied, and decided to go home because it was Tuesday.
He gave a glutinous kick to the throat, which was already purple from the choking and he invented a door through which he went inside the house.
Because the thought of leaving had come to her, the girl picked up her slippers and went out the window. In five minutes she remembered she was supposed to get out through the door and she came back.
And she went out through the door.